I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
vagina is talking i cant
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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