ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
