I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
