I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
