I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
