I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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