Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
