Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
