Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
