okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
