He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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