Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the day after is always just damage control
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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