i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this will be a night to untag.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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