it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
