I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
