I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
that is very illegal...i love you.
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