I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
me + whiskey = a bad person
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
