fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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