Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
