He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
