I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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