I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
