in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
