Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
