If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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