I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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