So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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