Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
