worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
