So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
