Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
