You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
