I will die if light touches me.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
