i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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