Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
