Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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