Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
