So drunk its hurt
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
