Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I deserve this hangover.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
