my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
