so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
