He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
