the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
