I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
