If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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