I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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