Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
