he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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