i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
do herpes really smell.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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