...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
