I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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