"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
