forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
worst night to have a conscience
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
